Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
