Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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