I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
