You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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