I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize