Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
The feeling are messing with the penis
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
