I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
