fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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