They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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