we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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