Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
