The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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