it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
