first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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