shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
