idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
