I cannot find my penis.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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