So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
there is glitter all over my balls
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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