I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
