You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
