im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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