He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
