dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Randomize
