I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
