where am i from again
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
