it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
that's an acceptable place to lick
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
