What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
