I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
