i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize
