As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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