Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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