and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
