Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I am midnight drunk by noon
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
