maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize