How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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