i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
There's even glitter on my cock...
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