shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
This toilet bowl is my home.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
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