You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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