I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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