all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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