I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
third nipple confirmed
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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