If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
