Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
