Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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