i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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