just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
