u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
