They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
