My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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