I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
