You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
