So drunk, too bad you don't want this
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
