My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
