Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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