when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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