god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
