why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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