No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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