went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Randomize
