he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
