Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
My sheets look like a crime scene.
I want to make a zoo with you.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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