State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
