We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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