sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
