There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize