Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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