So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Randomize
