rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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