It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
